I Am Always Scared

Dream

2009-09-18T14:00:07Z

It's a windowless room, its walls were covered in thick black ash. The kind that when you touch it it just broke apart and fell off. There was this naked man leaning against the wall, pale, frail and hollow. When I reached there his legs were already gone. I wasn't actually there you see, since he's alone in the room. He knew I was there though, and of course he didn't talk to me, not physically at least. But somehow I could just feel him, as if we were one. He told me he's dying, he had not eaten anything for an unimaginable long time. He was starving, and he had just eaten his legs. He ate his own legs. He ate his own legs. Now he's still dying. He scratched and dug his abdomen open with fingers, and started eating his entrails. He never said a single word or uttered a sound, picking out his contents in such slow motion and bringing them to his mouth to chew on them so disturbingly and gently, as if kissing a lover. He was crying mute as he was doing so, he was shaking and his face was all twisted up. It was not pain he felt I knew. He was just too sad and disappointed that he was doing this to himself. He just kept on crying and shaking and picking out bits of his bloody reds. I just watched it all happen with something clenching on my heart so fucking tightly I swear I was dying.

Then I woke up from this madness in the early morning in my bunk. I have been the only person sleeping there for weeks. It was raining like crazy outside, and the sky was dark gray and made everything seemed monochrome. The sadness was so fucking bone-crushing I was almost suicidal.

It's real and it's not funny.

She Won't Lego

2009-07-12T10:26:14Z

seemikedraw.wordpress.com/2007/10/03/lego/

maoftw @ 2009-04-12T19:31:00

2009-04-12T11:34:46Z

If I made enough wrong turns, maybe I'd end up back where I was?

nearLY

2009-04-04T12:12:18Z

Step Into the Light (The Afghan Whigs) - nearLY feat Greg Dulli

LIAR'S DAY

2009-03-29T09:45:08Z

Crawl to the edge...

Fall back again...

My yesterdays...

Fall far away...

So far away...

All the while...

And I run...

Bitten all the while...

Lead the way...

And come back again...

Don't break, just because you're lost.

I walk the road I paved. And I watch with everything, while the world I've built fades away. For nothing.

Empty hole for you

2009-01-25T15:59:30Z

After going through many things that I find hard to share with the others, I think I have become much more quiet than before. Weeks of restlessness and the burden of responsibility had very much numbed my senses and knocked the laughter out of me. I'm afraid I've changed into someone I would never dream to become. Once again, I find it almost impossible to tell the tales. Well, like some wise man once said, What else can you do? SUCK THUMB. If there is one single soul mate u may find there, the thumb is always your best friend. I've grown weary irritated of people asking me the same old question of "how life inside?" Why, I'm speechless. Really, I don't know what to say at all, in the end, "it's pretty fine" is the fastest way to get out of the conversation. I don't what to compare Ninja with other companies for the welfare we would never enjoy anymore, I will just do what I can to make the best out of the worst (stealing night snacks from Orion?) Many old things are forgotten, and many new ones are learnt, though I still like to keep myself.

maoftw @ 2008-12-31T21:39:00

2008-12-31T13:42:28Z

The funny thing is, of all the people I tried to recall in my head these days, everything about you was a blur. There's nothing to be remembered, now you are nothing but a name.

HUP-TWO-THREE-FOUR!

2008-12-10T13:49:01Z

Ooooo, new fish! Eh guys we've got some fresh meat 'ere!!

maoftw @ 2008-12-08T00:52:00

2008-12-07T17:07:37Z

|                |
|        |                           | | | |
|          |
                                         |        |
|        | |
|                              |        |
|    |

.            .            . .      . ..
... .           .            .
..            .            ....
..
There are things that I said I would never do
There are fears that I cannot believe have come true
For my soul is too sick and too little and too late
And myself I have grown to weary to hate

|                    |          |
|      |              |
                  |         |
|                                                       |
|                   |                           |
|                |             |
         |                  |                    |          |                       |

As I lie here and stare
The fabric starts to tear
It's far beyond repair
And I don't really care
As far as I have gone
I knew what side I'm on
But now I'm not so sure
The line begins to blur

========================================

K, I feel quite cheap C+V-ing lyrics, but well.

Big Titties Are Teh Favourites Lulz

2008-12-01T13:28:41Z

"Thank you very much...WHOAH! Fuck yeah! That pretty much says it all right? Thank you very much for coming out to see us. You've been a great...a good, good fucking crowd and I appreciate it man, very much. I gotta be honest with you. We've had long bus rides after long bus rides criss-crossing parts of the country I'm not that familiar with and I honestly have no fucking idea where I'm at right now but I hear that we're back in Iowa, right? How many times have we played Iowa? This is the third time right? Just in the last...week? Two weeks? You know what, next tour is gonna be all in Iowa, the whole fucking thing. Lights Under the Sky in Iowa. We've got big...tittie bras coming up on stage, kick ass crowd. Those..some big fucking titties in that bra. You know, I don't know if I'm saying big titties on stage you know, I've wanted to but I've never really had the chance til now so thank you for letting that dream become reality tonight. OK, let's get back to some depressing music."

maoftw @ 2008-11-29T20:48:00

2008-11-29T12:49:02Z

I want a dog. I really want a dog.

The Beginning of the End

2008-11-25T17:16:41Z

So it's finally over for me. Despite all the shit I've said (things like "Ima spend 30 minutes during H3 and drill a hole on the table and FUCK IT when it's ova!" and "Ima drill a hole on the wall so I fuck the schl!!"), unluckily to everyone who were there I didn't do any of these. Could have been so much furn. Well, I was toatally indulged in the paper, it was only when the teacher was collecting the papers it SUDDENLY came to my head that "huh, what? Sweet jesus it's over. Man I'm so fucked." So basically I had this mixed feeling but still I was very very calm.

I did tear my entry proof into shreds though.

Slipping away

2008-11-23T14:34:22Z

I was bored and I was scanning through ancient msn chat logs.

Man that's some fucked up shit seriously.

maoftw @ 2008-11-18T03:18:00

2008-11-17T19:32:10Z

-                               -          -                                       -
--                 -                                      -                                        -
-                               -                                           -
                                                      -
                       -                                                              -
-             -                                                -
                                        -
            -       -                                          - -                        -
-                              -                                               -
-                                            -                       -
                          -                                                          -

            -                                           -           -

                                     -
            -                                                  -                           -

=   I am the bullet in the gun

--                                                                  -

=   I am the truth from which you run

--                                                                    -

=   I am the silencing machine

--                                                                    -

=   I am the end of all your dreams

--                                                                  -

----------------------------------------------------------
I take you where you want to go!-----------
I give you all you need to know!--------
I drag you down I use you up!--------------------------
                                                         -                                                -
              -                                    --                                      -
-                 -                                                           -                      -
                                          -                                               -
          -                                                           -
                       -                                  -                                           -
- -                                               -                - -                   -
Mr. Self-destruct!
                 -                                               - -                            -
         -                                -                              - - -                 -
-                            -                                                             - -
                - -                                      -
                                            -           -                        -
             -                             -                       -                            -
                                                -                                            -
-------------------------------------- ----------------- -------   ----    ---     --      -

maoftw @ 2008-11-12T21:08:00

2008-11-12T13:34:55Z

MEME:

Quite interestingly, the first question hit right at the spot.

1. How would Ben Toh insult Szuan?
Ans: I can't answer this question, but if it is changed to "How would Ben Toh not insult Szuan?" the answer will be "No way in hell."

2. Oh no, Monkey Wu got kidnapped by aliens! What do you say once they get back?
Ans: AHAHAHAHAHAHA lololol noob shit gay fag newbie woowoo! woo aahaah!! How was it loser hey what's that is that ass-probe?

3. What do you think of Szuan?
Ans: Horizontal asymtope, X=> +/- infinity, fat tighs, yet very short skirt, noob, act cute, flirt whenever possible.

4. If Robert Wilks played in a movie, what kind of character would they play?
Ans: Oh gosh this meme is psychic. The first time he came to class I told Derek:"Dude his face like got 2nd degree burn liddat, and he looks like the average scheming villian in any James Bond movie who will eventually fail and die at his own hands, me serious."

5. Does Fang Wei Cheng make you hot?
Ans: FUCK YEAH!!!!!!!!! More than anybody else. You put him and Jessica Alba together I'll tell Alba to fuck off.

6. What's your fondest memory of Derek?
Ans: Malaysian Gay boy who DEFINITELY has a girlfriend somewhere just you wait I will find out.

7. What's your fondest memory of Mao?
Ans: He's soo awesome it's not even funny anymore, in fact there's a blog all about him. I think it's called maoftw.livejournal.com if im not wrong.

8. Have you dreamt of Lilong before?
Ans: If yes can I touch your fats?

9. Does Denyse have any pets?
Ans: You don't want to know. Seriously you DO NOT. There's something that is better left unknown. The burden of truth kills.

10. Describe Kaixin in one word.
Ans: Sodomy.

Done.

LUL

2008-10-27T04:04:45Z

This is some hilarious shit hahaha. I just poped by SMB because I was kinda bored, and I saw the post about unclaimed lost items. Man this shit is fucking funny, check out what kind of things are there waiting to be claimed:

Mickey Mouse pencil box
TORO music album

lulz wait wait...

Straws
Satay sticks
Plastic bags

Wtf hahaha plastic bags??

MYUK Accessories - "Then I was like NO" pencil case with student photo + CASIO scientific calculator inside

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Construction paper + Peel Fresh notebook with Fiona Xie on its cover + Markers + Highlighter

Peel Fresh notebook with Fiona Xie on its cover !!!!! ROFL OH SHIT OHHH SHIIIIIIT!!!! HAHAHHAH

Arrogant Bear green pencil box with thumbdrive in it
Orange small comb with blue cover

Holy shit this is damn cute... this is fucking cute.

maoftw @ 2008-10-22T22:26:00

2008-10-22T14:28:02Z

www.cracked.com/article_15231_7-reasons-21st-century-making-you-miserable.html

Nobody's gonna read this anyway LULz.

EDIT: but everybody just needs to. :D

maoftw @ 2008-09-25T22:38:00

2008-09-25T14:46:21Z

I feel the immense need to hide, rant, self-hate and toss things around. I remembered someone saying, it would be hard to get back to normal life again. Yes to that cuz I AM currently fucked up in the mind. I dont know, I better get out of this mentality before it's too late to settle down for A's.

WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO PLEASE YOU, WOMAN??

2008-09-14T15:55:13Z

a sex change.

I'm pretty sure I'm in love...

2008-09-12T15:53:55Z

...with Payable On Death once more.

.....Aaaand of course, Sonny's dreads

.....although it's not there anymore )'=

maoftw @ 2008-09-01T03:15:00

2008-08-31T19:21:33Z

Conclusion: Any work can seem to be almost enjoyable, with a constant supply of good music, caffeine and a stable mind. Almost any work, even LUNWEN. O_e

You Boring Shit

2008-08-26T15:14:07Z

At this rate, I think I'm getting bored of this whole situation, lol.

maoftw @ 2008-08-24T21:58:00

2008-08-24T14:37:39Z

There's only one thing I can say about Beijing Olympic's closing ceremony: Just like the opening, it was entirely based on throwing tonnes of cash into people's faces, firing tonnes of explosives into the sky and raping everybody's ears with loud crappy recycled music. The whole thing in my opinion is just overrated. Although both draggy and torturing as hell, the closing is actually worse than the opening, becasue there were SO GOD DAMN MUCH FUCKING SINGING. Two or three of such performances are good enough already, just please stop throwing random celebrities onto the little stage just to fucking show their faces, WHO CARES HOW MUCH THESE PEOPLE HAD PAID JUST TO GO UP THERE!!!

For large event like this, I bet Zhang Yimou has a solid formula in his mind:
1. Make thousands of identical costumes for thousands of performers to wear for about 5~10 minutes
2. Have everybody wear some super fake ass smiles on their faces and flail their arms around mechanically and try to make themselves look as if they are waving at people
3. Have REALLY REALLY REALLY huge-ass-bitch props
4. Cliche "Chun Jie Wan Hui" style performances, with their scale up by 500%
5. Hell lots of lights of almost all the colours in the spectrum around the stadium and attempt to blind virtually everybody by means of visual exhaustion (Me myself almost wanted to dig my eyes out cuz all the colours and lights were too tiring to see)
6. Recycled music (yep, that one) that noone paid attention to, even if anyone did he'd probably forget how it sounded like in about 1 second
7. Retarded little kids who were told to wave their arms like morons, ~~if my kid was there I will go kill him/her and then kill myself~~
8. Shit loads of fireworks. Oh shit that one is fucking classic, look how much god damn firework they have spent!! They just kept going like those shit is free. For that amount of explosion going on, if there was really a terrorist attack, noone would notice it! Do you guys know what are those fireworks? Those are months worth of food and living necessities for the poor unemployed and homeless, people's food, people's homes, all the goodness that could have been, we watched them flying into the sky and turning into smokes and pretty lights, and we are all damn fucking happy about it. When you saw the ariel view of the stadium, what do you see? The majestic architecture? The awesome fireworks? Or the people living among those patches of darkness in the background? Have you wondered which of them didnt have SHIT to eat for their dinner?

So much to put on a pretty face for the world to see, Im really proud.

maoftw @ 2008-08-23T12:54:00

2008-08-23T04:56:43Z

From "A Scanner Darkly":

"What does a scanner see? I mean, really see? Into the head? Down into the heart? Does a passive infrared scanner … see into me — into us — clearly or darkly? I hope it does see clearly, because I can't any longer these days see into myself. I see only murk. Murk outside; murk inside. I hope, for everyone's sake, the scanners do better. Because if the scanner sees only darkly, the way I myself do, then we are cursed, cursed again and like we have been continually, and we'll wind up dead this way, knowing very little and getting that little fragment wrong too."

-Hmmmm...

maoftw @ 2008-08-16T20:21:00

2008-08-16T12:23:49Z

The stonest day I've ever had. My head is like...like..............lol Derek, like your broken noob laptop.